tobyfolwick.com

Have you ever been to a website and been unable to find the link you were looking for because the button was too big?

I was looking for a log in button on yahoo, and I couldn’t figure out where the link was.  It’s because it was a giant sized button in the middle of the screen. 

Think about this, is it because it looked like an ad?  Have I really trained myself to totally ignore ads altogether, even though they pop-up and move across the screen?  What’s more, I was part of a Yahoo! takeover ad that happened on one day only - One that actually flashed like paparazzi in your face.  I opened Yahoo! on that day LOOKING for the ad, and I didn’t even see it.  I went into work the next day telling co-workers that something must have gone wrong yet they all saw it right where it was supposed to be.

extra points if you can name the song and artist from the title.

ok, so I’m up because I just had a dream.  I know, big deal right?  so here it is.

I’m up at this cabin (which is more of a mansion) with a friend of mine, and it’s full of non-descript people I work with, web developers (except I’m sure the host is played by James Spader) and everyone is going on this huge powerboat.  Me and my buddy decide that we’re going to stay back and surf the waves that these boats are making.  If you’ve ever seen footage of the Tsunami, that’s what kind of waves they were.  So they make some waves, and James Spader hops out and asks if I can change 40 bucks.  I’ve got about $100 in my pants pocket on the shore and he says, “oh don’t worry about it, I’ll get it, you don’t have to come out of the water.”  So he changes it, and gets back on the boat.  We’re pretty much done surfing these powerboat waves, so we head back and dry off and stuff.  I don’t know James Spader well, so I check my pockets.  He took 2 twentys and gave me a $38 dollar bill.  Like a bill that he made on the copy machine. 

I’m mad about this and decide that I’m going to put all the beer in his fridge in my truck while they’re all out boating.  ‘Cause, you know, how else to you retaliate against party people that might be playing a joke on you?  you take their beer.

James Spader returns, gets mad that I stole his beer, and pushes my car (in my dream the same as in real life) down the boat launch, into the lake.  I see it because I’m sitting in the bushes with my buddy with some assault rifles watching it sink slowly.  Spader walks away and while the car is still floating I pop the trunk and take out a case of beer, which is Bud Light.  I hate Bud Light.

Back in the Bushes, me and my buddy pop a beer open and I tell him that I’m going to kill Spader.  I drink one and crush the empty can in my hand, and grab the AK.  I know I fire one bullet over the boat launch toward the house where Spader is still walking, but then I wake up.

And that’s it.  I feel, now that I’m awake that it escalated pretty quickly don’t you?  And why is it that I play the psycho in my own dream?

If you subscribe to the thought that you are all people in your own dream, then I’m me, James Spader and my buddy, cause those were the people that stood out.  Based on that I have a fear of being taken for granted, some nerd anger, and the ability to drink a Bud Light without doing or saying anything at all.

Maybe it’s simpler.  Maybe I feel, internally, that there’s something happening that I’m trying to control, I can’t control it so I’m angry, and I can’t do anything about it.  Sad thing to me is that I can see, in my own history, short of the details, where this comes from.  Mostly the money, the bad joke, and the lack of retaliation. 

I have often found myself in the position where fighting the “bully” will just make my life more difficult.  Doesn’t it always seem that way?  Doesn’t that also indicate that the bully always wins?  That’s my last thought, I’m going back to sleep.

The co-ficcup, also known as the simultaneous cough and hiccup is preferable to the hicc-cough.  The thing is the sequencing of the bodily glitches.

The hiccup on it’s own tends to leave a temporary lump of air in the throat.  if a cough presents itself at that moment, one pushes that giant bubble of air the wrong direction through the throat so it tends to end up being more of a hicc-cough-urp.  that’s not good.

the co-ficcup is much cooler even though it still hurts because you clear out the air with the cough portion and replenish it with the hiccup portion immediately.  Since we all know that hiccups are the result of a lack of oxygen, and the cough eliminates something air-wise - whammy you got the co-ficcup out of your system AND cured the hiccups at the same time.

This is why it’s preferable to have the co-ficcups.

here’s a brief scene from my new screenplay.  The set-up is a guy, probably Canadian, sitting in a chair, and Samuel Jackson aiming a large gun at his head:

SJ: “Say it again! Say ‘orientated’ one more time, motha fucka! I dare you, say it one more time!”

and… scene.