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Funny, ignorance is bliss. I never would have thought it. Giving up isn’t that hard to do. Everybody seems to be doing it these days, it’s so fashionable. There’s a green light on 5th and Wall right now, and I’ll take that as a sign. I’ve been digging in to a few things lately, one of the things I’m looking at is called “Stop Praying.” From what I gather so far, it’s about real life-change. I wouldn’t categorize it under self-help by any means. It’s general concept is pretty straightforward though. If you want real change in your life, stop praying about it and start making it. So that’s what I’ve started doing. To the extent I’ve created the situation that I’m currently in, I know what I did wrong. I stopped believing in love. I stopped a long time ago. Now that I think of it, it was probably around the time I graduated from college. I’ve always lived my life learning from other people’s experiences. I’ve had my own, but I think people generally have good advice as far as what NOT to do. A piece of bad advice I received and took to heart is that I have to be more forgiving. NO I DON’T. If you’re a jackass, you’re a jackass. Go be a jackass with another jackass and leave me out of it. I’m a smart guy. I came from good people. If I need advice, I’ll ask. So, I listen to the wrong person occasionally, I’ll take responsibility for that. Some people are convincing when it comes to earning trust. So I’ve been convinced a couple times. They’re not making anything better for anyone now, except themselves. And that’s not how I want to live either. If I’ve learned anything from the last couple years of my life, it’s that I’ve earned an exclamation point for the end of the way I used to live. Trust your heart, trust your intelligence, and the rest will work out on it’s own… For you, maybe it’s different, and I won’t give you any advice either way unless you ask for it.

tell me if any of these things sound good:

Oakmoss
Rosemary
Lavender
Patchouli
Lemongrass
Cedarwood

I’m going to take those smells, in various combinations, and make some new soap (probably this weekend).  My gear is more high-tech than it used to be.

and aside:  I’ve always thought that there’s a lot of stuff another person or people could take from me, but no one can take away what I know - or know how to do.  I get to forget all that on my own.

I don’t know if it’s a real thing or not, but I’m smack dab in the middle of some self-imposed replacement therapy.

I think some would call what I’m going through right now “cabin fever” but it just feels like I haven’t done anything good in a while.  I used to volunteer a lot, for you know, whatever - not necessarily always a “good cause” but I was doing something.  As a result I’ve been involved in some pretty cool stuff and at least felt proud of something pretty continuously.  not so at this time.

So, I’m replacing that with buying myself stuff.  It’s been a year or more since I made a batch of soap so I just ordered enough essential oil to aromatherapeutically keep myself in a stupor for the next 17 or 22 years.  I’ll be like, “ahhh,” followed by, “ahhh” then I’ll go to work with a bar of soap in my pocket so I can be “ahh” all day.

Then I bought some parts for my motorcycle.  So I’ll be all “ahh” with bugs in my teeth.

Then I bought a stand and a stool for this old Roland keyboard I’ve had sitting around for 10 years, so I can make angel sounds while I’m waiting for spring to come.

but for now, all I’m doing is sitting around cranky waiting for the UPS guy to show up.  and checking my email - which for some odd reason has been laden with emails from past lives, people out of the blue “thinking about me” which is sweet even though the people tend to be looking for something nefarious from me - phone numbers to college-sweethearts-that-are-married-but-that-doesn’t-matter, or a boss that fired me directly after the worst relationship break-up of my life.  yeah, I don’t forget that kind of stuff, call me whatever you like.

This replacement therapy has me looking for a house.  yep, I’m living with my girlfriend of 4 years, and yep it’s in a house, but it’s not my house.  so, clearly I’m wishing I’d had been in Punxsutawney with my bow ready to shoot that little sucker that makes winter last an extra 6 weeks.  Tax season would be marginally better, I would feel better if I could stop whipping out the visa just because I’m cold.  I don’t think 65 degrees is much to ask for.  but then it’ll be that for 5 minutes and straight to 85 and humid.  ok, going ’round the bend here people - might just want to do this part solo.